I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
