I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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