I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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