i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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