Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
