Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize