the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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