I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
apparently the secret to your success is patron
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
