Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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