turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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