all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
