talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
