At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
