; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize