Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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