I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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