even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize