i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
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