I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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