A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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