you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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