I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
