there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
