if you like me you must not know who I am
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
