after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
