He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
