I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Randomize
