i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
