i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
