You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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