After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
3pm strippers are depressing
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
