Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
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