I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
