I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
