Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
