i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
