I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
