Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
