Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
