Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
