I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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