I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
