We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
