i just wanna soil my oats bro
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
