This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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