dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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