I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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