I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
