Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
