you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
It's just like the Real World with babies
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
