people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
