I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
