I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
