I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
