Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
