don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
