hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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