My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Randomize