Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
