Your face is a jimmy john
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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