The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize