Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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