we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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