apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
