So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
