I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
