I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
