i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
