dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
accomplished twins. life is a go
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
