you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
How naked do you want me to be?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
