I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
