Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
