Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
What happened to fro yo and sex?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
