there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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